My Top 10 2011 Films That Look Terrible

by ALJRgamereviews | created - 02 Feb 2011 | updated - 02 Feb 2011 | Public
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1. Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (2011)

PG-13 | 107 min | Action, Comedy, Crime

4.4
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    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.4/10 X  
22 Metascore

Malcolm Turner and his stepson Trent go undercover at an all-girls school to flush out a killer.

Director: John Whitesell | Stars: Martin Lawrence, Brandon T. Jackson, Jessica Lucas, Michelle Ang

Votes: 21,823 | Gross: $37.92M

What? He's in drag again? What? Now there is two people in drag? Well, that just makes all the difference. STOP MAKING THESE MOVIES!

2. Final Destination 5 (2011)

R | 92 min | Fantasy, Horror, Mystery

5.9
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    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.9/10 X  
50 Metascore

Survivors of a suspension-bridge collapse learn there's no way you can cheat Death.

Director: Steven Quale | Stars: Nicholas D'Agosto, Emma Bell, Arlen Escarpeta, Miles Fisher

Votes: 91,445 | Gross: $42.59M

Hey, remember how we said the last movie was the final one? Ya well, that made a lot of money so... we're just going to whore the franchise 14 more times. Hey, Saw did that and those sequels were good. Oh, wait...

3. Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (2011)

G | 105 min | Documentary, Music

1.6
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    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 1.6/10 X  
52 Metascore

Follows Justin Bieber with some footage of performances from his 2010 concert tour.

Director: Jon M. Chu | Stars: Justin Bieber, Boyz II Men, Miley Cyrus, Sean Kingston

Votes: 74,756 | Gross: $73.01M

I never needed a Justin Beiber movie. I also never needed to see Beiber in 3-D. The fact that someone approved this movie shows that my nightmares are, in fact, real. Maybe if we all just stop looking at it, it will go away.

4. Mars Needs Moms (2011)

PG | 88 min | Animation, Adventure, Family

5.4
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    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.4/10 X  
49 Metascore

A young boy named Milo gains a deeper appreciation for his mom after Martians come to Earth to take her away.

Director: Simon Wells | Stars: Seth Green, Joan Cusack, Dan Fogler, Elisabeth Harnois

Votes: 18,848 | Gross: $21.38M

The trailer for this film was so epicly bad that I seriously thought about taking forks and jabbing them in my eyes.

5. Season of the Witch (2011)

PG-13 | 95 min | Action, Adventure, Fantasy

5.4
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    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.4/10 X  
28 Metascore

14th-century knights transport a suspected witch to a monastery, where monks deduce her powers could be the source of the Black Plague.

Director: Dominic Sena | Stars: Nicolas Cage, Ron Perlman, Claire Foy, Stephen Campbell Moore

Votes: 81,373 | Gross: $24.83M

Nicolas Cage stars in a film that looks like an Uwe Boll rip-off. Seeing as how Uwe Boll is The King of Crap, the fact that others are now making films like his scares me.

6. Jack and Jill (I) (2011)

PG | 91 min | Comedy

3.4
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    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 3.4/10 X  
23 Metascore

Family guy Jack Sadelstein prepares for the annual event he dreads: the Thanksgiving visit of his twin sister, the needy and passive-aggressive Jill, who then refuses to leave.

Director: Dennis Dugan | Stars: Adam Sandler, Katie Holmes, Al Pacino, Elodie Tougne

Votes: 66,068 | Gross: $74.16M

In this film Adam Sandler dresses in drag. I don't really need to say much else, do I?

7. New Year's Eve (2011)

PG-13 | 113 min | Comedy, Romance

5.7
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    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.7/10 X  
22 Metascore

The lives of several couples and singles in New York City intertwine over the course of New Year's Eve.

Director: Garry Marshall | Stars: Sarah Jessica Parker, Jessica Biel, Ashton Kutcher, Michelle Pfeiffer

Votes: 72,452 | Gross: $54.54M

Remember that 2010 film Valentine's Day? This is the exact same movie, made by the exact same people, with an equal so huge it's stupid cast. Enjoy.

8. Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (2011)

G | 87 min | Animation, Adventure, Comedy

4.4
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    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 4.4/10 X  
24 Metascore

Playing around while aboard a cruise ship, the Chipmunks and Chipettes accidentally go overboard and end up marooned in a tropical paradise. They discover their new turf is not as deserted as it seems.

Director: Mike Mitchell | Stars: Justin Long, Matthew Gray Gubler, Jesse McCartney, Jason Lee

Votes: 25,470 | Gross: $133.11M

Apparantly the sequel, I'm sorry, SQUEAK-quel, did well enough for another movie. Third times the charm. I hope...

9. Gnomeo & Juliet (2011)

G | 84 min | Animation, Comedy, Family

6.0
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    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 6/10 X  
53 Metascore

The neighboring gardens of Montague and Capulet are at war, but the gnomes, Gnomeo and Juliet, are in love.

Director: Kelly Asbury | Stars: James McAvoy, Emily Blunt, Maggie Smith, Ashley Jensen

Votes: 45,954 | Gross: $99.97M

This film is like some drunk guy ran into a studio saying 'Guys I've got this AWESOME idea of a movie. Let's make Romeo and Juliet, except that all the characters are gnomes!' Then it got approvied in what can only be described as a prank gone horribly wrong.

10. Zookeeper (2011)

PG | 102 min | Comedy, Family, Romance

5.2
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    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 5.2/10 X  
30 Metascore

A group of zoo animals decide to break their code of silence in order to help their lovable zoo keeper find love -- without opting to leave his current job for something more illustrious.

Director: Frank Coraci | Stars: Kevin James, Rosario Dawson, Leslie Bibb, Ken Jeong

Votes: 48,970 | Gross: $80.36M

Hey look. It's Kevin James. Doing slapstick. AGAIN. But this time there's animals. Hey, when do you thinks studios are going to learn that THAT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!